Days in the Wild...

It is but human,that we take so many things for granted.So when i was thrust into the responsibility of maintaining my apartment for a few days,with my parents outta town,i dint think much of it.But after the experience,i will have to drastically change that view.
So lemme give you a 12 point guideline in case such a situation happens to you.

#1 . Ensure that you have an extra toothpaste tube.Squeezing the tube is infinitely easier than expending your entire body weight into the tube without any effect resulting in drastic measures like cutting the tube with a kitchen knife and scraping the paste out.

#2. Remember,one can survive on a strict diet of bread,jam,sauce and water.To add variety to your meals,use different permutations of the 4 items.Use jam and sauce in moderation,or u may need a second meal sooner than you think.

#3 If an adventurous spirit hits you,and you get the inspiration to cook,calm down.Let the feeling pass..If you still want to continue,remember your last cooking experiment,the excruciating pain in your stomach,the hospital,your dead pet,and the fire in the kitchen.If you are still intent,may god be with you.

#4 Find the kitchen in your house.Once inside the place,survey the various strange looking instruments,and hopefully if good sense prevails,you will be back watching TV in no time.

#5 Once you decide to cook,ensure that you NEVER try your cooking experiments on yourself.God provides us with neighbours,especially the troublesome ones for precisely this purpose.Present your "cooked" food to your neighbour("oh such a sweet boy,we should invite him for dinner" (u have your treat)),If he does not come back to invite you,pray for his health..

#6 During multitasking in the kitchen,remember that the time required for boiling milk may not match exactly with time for tv commercials.

#7 If in the mess called your room,you need to find something invaluable (eg..the TV remote),
do not search for it.You know that you are never gonna find it.You can hence avoid a lot of frustration.So believe in the power of fate.If it is meant to be,it will be found.

#8 Improvise,Adapt.If u overboiled the rice,add sugar and present the "pudding" to ur neighbours.I

#9 When the kitchen starts reeking of bad smell,and u notice a pile of unwashed utensils because of ur "cooking",and u notice insect colonies being formed,do NOT panic.Time for desperate action.Bolt the kitchen door tight,and if the smell still seeps through,spray AXE near the door.Isolate the kitchen from the habitable parts of ur house.Remember,when civilization comes back,(to be read as mom),sanctity will be restored.It is just the matter of surviving a few days.

#10 Possibly you will notice that the other rooms become inhabitable day by day so repeat the process of isolating the habitable parts from the smelly parts,and you will finally be trapped in your living room with your best friend,your TV

#11 Use this alone time to think about your life,think about the universe.Relive your memories.
and when the power comes back go back to watching TV.

#12 After surviving in the wild,and when civilized people come back home( i mean the 4 locked doors with an empty bottle of AXE),do not stay around too much for them to survey the disaster.Let them vent their fury on the utensils,and the rooms.