Days in the Wild...

It is but human,that we take so many things for granted.So when i was thrust into the responsibility of maintaining my apartment for a few days,with my parents outta town,i dint think much of it.But after the experience,i will have to drastically change that view.
So lemme give you a 12 point guideline in case such a situation happens to you.

#1 . Ensure that you have an extra toothpaste tube.Squeezing the tube is infinitely easier than expending your entire body weight into the tube without any effect resulting in drastic measures like cutting the tube with a kitchen knife and scraping the paste out.

#2. Remember,one can survive on a strict diet of bread,jam,sauce and water.To add variety to your meals,use different permutations of the 4 items.Use jam and sauce in moderation,or u may need a second meal sooner than you think.

#3 If an adventurous spirit hits you,and you get the inspiration to cook,calm down.Let the feeling pass..If you still want to continue,remember your last cooking experiment,the excruciating pain in your stomach,the hospital,your dead pet,and the fire in the kitchen.If you are still intent,may god be with you.

#4 Find the kitchen in your house.Once inside the place,survey the various strange looking instruments,and hopefully if good sense prevails,you will be back watching TV in no time.

#5 Once you decide to cook,ensure that you NEVER try your cooking experiments on yourself.God provides us with neighbours,especially the troublesome ones for precisely this purpose.Present your "cooked" food to your neighbour("oh such a sweet boy,we should invite him for dinner" (u have your treat)),If he does not come back to invite you,pray for his health..

#6 During multitasking in the kitchen,remember that the time required for boiling milk may not match exactly with time for tv commercials.

#7 If in the mess called your room,you need to find something invaluable (eg..the TV remote),
do not search for it.You know that you are never gonna find it.You can hence avoid a lot of frustration.So believe in the power of fate.If it is meant to be,it will be found.

#8 Improvise,Adapt.If u overboiled the rice,add sugar and present the "pudding" to ur neighbours.I

#9 When the kitchen starts reeking of bad smell,and u notice a pile of unwashed utensils because of ur "cooking",and u notice insect colonies being formed,do NOT panic.Time for desperate action.Bolt the kitchen door tight,and if the smell still seeps through,spray AXE near the door.Isolate the kitchen from the habitable parts of ur house.Remember,when civilization comes back,(to be read as mom),sanctity will be restored.It is just the matter of surviving a few days.

#10 Possibly you will notice that the other rooms become inhabitable day by day so repeat the process of isolating the habitable parts from the smelly parts,and you will finally be trapped in your living room with your best friend,your TV

#11 Use this alone time to think about your life,think about the universe.Relive your memories.
and when the power comes back go back to watching TV.

#12 After surviving in the wild,and when civilized people come back home( i mean the 4 locked doors with an empty bottle of AXE),do not stay around too much for them to survey the disaster.Let them vent their fury on the utensils,and the rooms.

Engineering:Redefined

I am back....(i can hear people sighing..i can see my orkut friends grumbling,my gmail contacts swearing,"DAMN it,hez back)."Two months of peace,and the guy comes back to force comments and feedback".I can hear the blogosphere bells ringing(What!!..).To all my gmail contacts ,my orkut friends,this time i won't beg and plead for comments,through online messages.
I have turned over a new leaf.I am going in for a new sms service that updates all my friends when i blog,i eat,sleep..."ullas samachar".
The fact that i have 2-3 numbers for each person makes the task difficult though..So what do i blog about.So why the long gap in blogging.I was procrastinating(My word of the day..).In simple terms,i was too damn lazy...So what do i blog about.?I have covered sports,made a feeble attempt to do a rajdeep sardesai,and review current affairs(which resulted in rotten tomatoes,and eggs thrown at me online..),used humour as a mechanism to show the world how "cool" i am.Typed in crap that people saw,and for the first time realized that they were not that weird.Typed in crap to show people that i am weird,because weird people are supposed to be cool,and everyone wants to be cool.Read my posts ,laughed because it was so NOT funny,that "that" made me laugh..
So what will i blog about.And then the realization hit me.I pondered and pondered(my second word of the day),put two and two together.I was seven eighth of an engineer(why ,ullas,why do u need to use fractions!!),and pretty bad one at that.I am basically sarcastic.so putting one and three together,i have been enlightened.All i got to do is to write about what some engineering terms really mean to me,(and by "me",i mean the vast majority of this growing species).So after almost 4 years of intense research,these are my conclusions.

THE DRAFTER

Carpenters have tools,Celebrities have fake boobs,Pratibha Patil has her foreign tours,and we have our Drafters.One of the most interesting tools in the engineering kit.Most of us are not aware of itz use,however.Some carry it around like a mace(drafter on shoulder routine),some carry it around like a machine gun.Me,i make firing sounds,and use it to "kill" my imaginary villians.Pkshah..Pkshah..(the weird sound..water in my gun)...crack...(R.I.P,Dear Drafter)

THE COLLEGE ID CARD

Thanks to some "amazing" friends of mine,i haven't seen this thing after first year.They say that students are supposed to carry it around.They even make ridiculous claims that the card is compulsory.For my part,i will never lay eyes upon it ever again(thanks to my wonderful friends),and the only proof that i am a student will be my sleepy eyes,my torn bag,and the prison grey shirt,with inscriptions of various kinds (again thanks to my friends).

THE INTERNALS

It is the time of the sem when you realize the number of subjects you have,get to know the full forms of the subjects(try to,atleast),search your entire house for your library card(only to realize that library cards do not grow out of trees,and that you gotta apply for them).And the day before the exam,you realize that the text you bought for 400 rupees contains just the introduction,and then you run around hostels,wait in queues at the photostat shops,and finally when you collect the entire material in a 100 seperate scraps of sheets,you are too tired,and realize that you should have studied the introduction.So on the D-day,morning,you absorb in few words remotely related to the subject,write sheets and sheets of crap with the mention of the aforesaid words in BOLD CAPITALS,emphasising its importance,also caring to write the remaining words in a highly illegible manner(which comes naturally to me,btw).This time is also gala time for the photostat shops (which compress large textbooks into tiny portable pieces of information with a free rubberband) .The compression rates are so drastic that guys carry entire chapters of textbooks in their socks.The power of technology applied here to great effect.

SEMINARS

Deeply enlightening sessions of puffs and pepsi,with students blabbering stuff during the break.
I strongly feel that the time for puffs and pepsi is over.We need to usher in a new way..Bring on the Biriyani,Bring on the milk shake.Apart from eating,seminars basically mean,the teachers are given their own medicine.It is their turn to sit through incredibly boring lectures.I distinctly remember one teacher sleeping through mine.I was proud....

TO BE CONTINUED..

PS:Too tired of creating bad jokes....will come back later to maim,trouble and harass..